Looking to regain (or hang on to) the trim figure you had in your teens? Forget about Atkins and South Beach. Don’t sign up for costly gym memberships or trendy exercise classes you don’t have time to attend. Instead, try Bus Chick’s Diet Plan.

My plan is simple (no counting of carbs, fats, calories, or “points”), effective (judging from all the sexy bus riders I know), and best of all, free. You can still eat ice cream, and you never even have to look at a treadmill–unless, of course, you happen to like them. All you have to do, folks, is drop that other dead weight: your car.

Here’s why the plan works (it’s not rocket science, but indulge me):

1. You will exercise more.
You will walk to and from bus stops and run to catch buses when you are late. You will walk with grocery bags and shopping bags. (On Saturday, my car-free fiancé walked from his house to mine–about half a mile–with a coffee table.) You will walk up hills. You will walk up stairs. When you get a late-evening craving, you will be forced to walk to the corner store to find that food you are ahankerin’ for.

2. You will eat less.
More often than not, you will decide that your late-night craving is not worth the effort of walking to that corner store. Your desire for fast food will also be significantly reduced, since you will no longer have the option of drive throughs. (Does anyone actually sit in those places to eat?) You are less likely to have a lot of junk food in your house, as grocery shopping trips require effort and planning (making them rare), and each item purchased must be carried–and therefore carefully considered.

People of Seattle, stop spending so much money, time, and effort on diets that don’t work and try my plan. While I can’t promise that you’ll end up with the body of Beyonce or The Rock, I can guarantee that you’ll lose at least a ton.